forty-seven...

We Remember...
the babies born sleeping,
those we carried but never held,
those we held but could not take home,
those who came home but could not stay.

I lit candles, not only for my babies, but for the babies of women everywhere. For my friends, for my family.

If you, or someone you know, has had a miscarriage, a stillbirth or a lost baby or child, would you please either message me, or leave a comment here? I would like to personally pray for each of you by name. Our family prayed for you, as a group, but I would like to pray for you by name. If you named your baby/child, please leave his or her name as well.

 

This was a Facebook post I made on October 15th, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. I want to help shatter the silence. After I made this post, I started adding names to a list. I had a few women message me, or comment on the post, but I also added names of women that I knew to my list. To date, I have added 47, FORTY-SEVEN, names to my list.

I did a little research and my results were staggering:

• There are about 4.4 million confirmed pregnancies in the US every year
• 900,000 to 1 million of those end in pregnancy losses EVERY year
• More than 500,000 pregnancies each year end in miscarriage
• Approximately 26,000 end in stillbirth
• Approximately 19,000 end in infant death during the first month
• Approximately 39,000 end in infant death during the first year
• Approximately 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage; some estimates are as high as 1 in 3. If you include loss that occurs before a positive pregnancy test, some estimate that 40% of all conceptions result in loss.

(This information was found on hopeexchange(dot)com)

October is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, I want to shatter the silence. I want to bring light to this taboo subject. Why is it so hard to talk about these losses? Women should not feel alone during the worst time of their life.

I am the face. I am 1 in 4. Many times over. I should not feel ashamed for speaking of my babies who are no longer with us. I should not have to worry that I will offend someone or make someone uncomfortable when I say Holden's name. They are my children, he is my son, just as much so as my six living children. I would never hesitate to tell anyone about my older son's accomplishments as a musician. I would never think twice about telling someone how proud I am of my oldest daughter, she graduated college and now has a full time job. I would never worry about telling a friend about my day with my younger children, or how funny and charming they are, or how much they are driving me crazy on any given day. Why should I have to filter my thoughts when mentioning Holden in the same way. Sure, he isn't here, and I don't have those same kinds of stories to tell about him, but I wish I did. I should be able to share with friends and family, and strangers, that I love him, and I miss him, and I wish he was here. Same goes for all of these other women who have experienced the same losses that I have. We love our babies and we just want to be able to share them with the ones we love. They are and always will be a huge part of our lives.

To you, it may seem like we are obsessing about our angel babies, but to us, it is all we have. Words, some hospital mementos, a few pictures, a teddy bear or a set of footprints might be all we have left of our precious little ones. Talking about them helps us to feel like they are still here with us. I have heard so many people say that they don't want to mention Holden's name for fear of making me sad. I promise you, you won't make me sad, I might cry or get emotional, but it won't make me sad. What makes me sad is the fear of others forgetting my precious boy. To others he may not have existed, but to me, and to my family, he does, and he always will. We may not be able to see him, but we feel his presence in so many things we do. We will live the rest of our lives without him, but remembering him in any way we can. We will honor him in things we do.

The other night, I was in my bible study small group and there were only 4 of us in attendance. In that group of 4 women, 3 of us had suffered at least one pregnancy loss. In the past year, I have learned about so many more women who have suffered in silence because they did not want to make anyone feel uncomfortable. Think about how sad that is for a minute. When you go through one of the hardest things you will ever go through, think about how you would feel if you had to walk through it alone. My first loss was over 21 years ago, my most recent being just this year. In the last 21 years, I have tried to be an advocate for women who have experienced loss. I have made countless friends through my losses, and my friendships with several old friends has deepened because of our losses.

1 in 4. Think about that number. Help me shatter the silence. No one should have to suffer in silence.

If you would like for me to add you to my prayer list, please message me or leave a comment here. I would be honored to pray for you.