about

I'm Suzi. My husband, Jay and I, are parents to twelve children. Six of them live here on earth with us, and six live in heaven.

Long before I was ever old enough to be a mom, I always knew that is what I wanted. Soon after getting married I began trying to conceive a child. I always thought it would be easy, I was wrong.

After several years of trying, undergoing numerous procedures, taking different medicines and seeing several doctors, I finally became pregnant. I knew in my heart I was expecting my first child. Finally! My excitement was short lived though, before I was able to get an estimated due date, I learned I was miscarrying my child. I was around 6 weeks pregnant. I chose not to tell my story, I kept the loss to myself for many years.

Not long after, I learned I was once again pregnant. This time, I delivered a beautiful, healthy baby boy. My first son was born in 1997. My pregnancy was easy and there were no complications. After he was about a year old, I began trying for another child, I was wasn't able to become pregnant. Fast forward a few years to a divorce and remarriage.

My next child came to me in the form of a marital bonus. She was born in 1998.

When our first two children were about 4 and 5 years old, we began trying for another child. I was devastated when things were not working out as quickly as I had hoped. Finally in April of 2003 I found out I was pregnant. We were ecstatic. Our happiness was short lived though, we lost that baby at 12 weeks. We never learned the sex of that precious child. I got the all clear from my doctor to try again. About a month or so after the miscarriage, we once again learned that I was pregnant. This time we were cautiously optimistic. I think I was more so than anyone, but in my mind, I felt like everything would be ok. I mean, we had JUST lost a baby, surely it would not happen again. Sadly, we lost that baby at 8 weeks.

After those two horrible losses, my doctor sent us to have genetic testing done. He also ran a lot of test on me personally. Long story short, it was determined that I had an autoimmune disorder that causes my body to think of babies as foreign objects, so it clots them off to "protect" me. After this discovery, we worked together to come up with a game plan. I was to start taking folic acid and a baby aspirin every day until I became pregnant. Once I become pregnant, I was to add Lovenox to my daily regimen in the form of an injection.

We had a plan and I felt good. In the fall of 2004, we once again learned that I was expecting a child. I will admit, I was nervous for quite a while. Once I made it to the 12 week mark, I began to calm down. We had regular ultrasounds to keep up with the progression of the pregnancy. Our second beautiful, healthy baby boy was born in April of 2005.

We waited a few years before we started trying again. This time, once we started trying, I became pregnant immediately. I wasn't as nervous this time around, it seemed like our plan was working. Our third beautiful, healthy baby boy was born in August of 2008.

When we decided to try once more, I once again became pregnant immediately. I found out we were expecting a baby in March of 2010, only to loose the pregnancy the very next day. I was shattered. We had a plan, and it was working. I did not understand what could have gone wrong.

We received the all clear from the doctor to try again immediately. I was pregnant the very next month. I was back to feeling uneasy once again. Once I made it to around 10 weeks I began to relax a bit more. Our second beautiful, healthy baby girl was born in December 2010.

We thought we were finished "having" babies because we knew we were called to do foster care and adoption. At the time, we had 5 living biological children.

Our sixth beautiful baby, came to us via private adoption. He was our fourth baby boy.

In October of 2016, we were caught by surprise when I learned I was once again pregnant. Although it was not a planned pregnancy, I was over the moon. We found out around Thanksgiving that we were expecting another beautiful, healthy baby BOY. We decided to name him Holden. He was due to arrive in late May of 2017. Early on in the pregnancy, I had some bleeding. My heart sank. It ended up being a tear in my placenta, but it eventually healed itself after some light duty on my part. Everything was going smoothly until I went in for a routine check up. It was a Tuesday morning and I had gone by myself because it wasn't a special visit. Once I got into the room, the nurse pulled out her Doppler machine so we could listen to the baby's heartbeat. She wrestled around for what seemed like hours, trying to find it. She did not seem worried, she said he was probably just hanging out kinda low. I didn't worry immediately, but I did ask for an ultrasound. The nurse called in the ultrasound tech who tried to find the heartbeat but was unable to as well. She took me into the ultrasound room and began the scan. I knew immediately he was gone.

My life forever changed on Tuesday, January 10, 2017. I lost my precious Holden at almost 20 weeks.