my husband

My husband is amazing. I know everyone thinks that way about their husbands, or at least they should, but I feel like I am the luckiest woman in the world. My husband has been a constant source of support and encouragement for me this year. I honestly do not know how I would have made it through any of this without him. He has always been my rock, my knight in shining armor and the love of my life, but this year, he has really stepped it up and taken on a new role. I assume part of it is because I have recently stepped down from some of mine. I have always been a strong, independent person. I have never fully had to rely on anyone for anything. I have always just looked out for myself and taken care of things. This year, that seems so much harder for me. I find myself relying on my husband for emotional support like never before. I find myself leaning on him just to make it through the day. I find myself relying on him for emotional stability.

We have always been close. He's always been my best friend. We have always done everything together and tried to spend every moment possible together and with our family.  Since losing Holden though, it has moved to a different level of closeness. I feel a deeper connection to him than I ever have. A closeness that I just cannot explain. I have heard so many people say that the loss of a child will do one of two things to your marriage; tear it apart or make it stronger. I am so very blessed to be walking beside such a strong Godly man during this horrific time in our lives. He has lead our family with such tenderness and love. He has had a lot piled on him this year and I am so very proud of the way he has handled all of it. He is processing things in his own way, and that is his story to tell.

I wish I could go back and undo all of the horrific things that we have been through this year, but I can't. No parents should ever have to go through what we have. No parent should have to say goodbye to their child. That isn't the way life is supposed to happen, but it does. I am just thankful that I have the most amazing man to join me along this journey. If one positive thing has come from any of this, it's the new depth of our relationship. That part I would never change. I have never felt closer to my husband than I do now. I have never need him more than I do now.

I love him more than he will ever know. I love him most...

We have not had a weekend alone together in almost 13 years. We used to take weekends away together at least once a month, if not more, before our youngest set of kids came along. When our oldest two were younger, it was much easier to take a weekend for ourselves. Since the last group came along, it has been much harder. The ONLY times we have been away from the younger ones is when we have been at the hospital having another one. I wouldn't exactly call that a weekend alone. Finally, after almost 13 years, we are taking some time away. Just the two of us. I am looking forward to our time alone. I am excited about getting some time for just the two of us. I will admit, I am a bit nervous about being away from our babies, but I am ready. This guy is amazing and I can't wait to have him all to myself!