mia...

I've been MIA lately. It seems like life has been ridiculously busy. I finally feel like things are starting to slow back down, thankfully. Nothing really new or exciting has been happening either, just busy. Sometimes busy is a blessing. Sometimes busy keeps my mind out of my own head. But sometimes, busy is just too much. Lately, our busy has been a little much for me.

Our busy lately has kept us away from home, or kept us away from each other. A lot. That is the kind of busy I don't do well with. I am still not where I want to spend time around a lot of other people. That has just been a personal choice for me. I will say though that I am doing a little better around people in general. We had several days worth of dance recitals last weekend and I enjoyed getting to see the kids show off what they have been working so hard on these last few months. Our oldest son has been having quite a few live shows lately and I have really enjoyed those as well. Listening to him do what he loves to do always puts a smile on my face. It takes me to a place I like to be. It removes me from my reality, even if only for a little while. I was able to get out one morning last week and spend some much needed adult only time with a sweet friend. That was nice, and I got pretty toes out of the deal too!

Things have been weird lately. I cannot really describe it. Weird seems to be the best description. It's kind of like I am walking around in a cloud of altered reality. I am not completely numb, but I am indifferent I guess. I seem to have less tolerance for outside things  than I did before and I am not completely sure how I feel about that. I mean, the lack of drama has been nice, but I don't feel like "me" either. There has to be a middle ground, and I guess eventually I will figure out what that is. It seems to take such effort to do anything outside the comfort of my home and my people. On the flip side, things between my husband and I have never been better. Not that they were ever bad, or even not good, just different. Deeper. I am heartbroken at the circumstances, but I am happy with the outcome of our relationship. That may sound weird, but I have heard in so many instances, that death of a child or certain traumas can, and do, tear relationships apart. I am happy that we are not part of those statistics.

We have faced a lot of trauma this year, not only the loss of a child, but a change in other areas of our personal life. Shortly after losing Holden, we were faced with making some hard, and possible life altering decisions. We have been struggling to keep our heads above water, praying for things to change. Praying for answers and for direction in our lives. We still don't know what those answers are, but we are praying that God will reveal them to us soon. I am beyond blessed to be able to walk through this life with my best friend, with him, I feel like I can do anything.  

I am asking you, if you are reading this, would you please pray for us? Pray that we will get the answers to the questions we have. Pray that we will receive the direction that we so desperately need right now. So many things are up in the air right now and there are so many unknowns.

Please know that we (our family, our marriage, our health) are ok. We are just facing some life changes that we are not ready to publicly share.

Thank you friends!